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We Take Our BISCUITS VERY Seriously

PEMRA: People can not digest the idea why one needs to dance like that for a biscuit ? This is absurd. What kind of creativity is this ! But dancing otherwise for legit reasons is still acceptable and not frowned upon.

My (imaginary) interview with PEMRA ( Pakistan Electronic Media Regulatory Authority) amidst the gala biscuit controversy.

Me: So PEMRA has banned Gala biscuit ad. What can be so controversial about a biscuit ad?

PEMRA: Mehwish Hayat, the model was dancing senselessly.

Me: Was the dance really provocative or vulgar in nature?

PEMRA: Hmmm ,in deep thoughts, not really, I would say. Infact, she was decently dressed, though a bit too influenced by Bollywood . There are dozen similar Pakistani ads around the same theme, but then it is 2020, this year people think more.

Me : So what really hit the nerve ? The dance ?

PEMRA: People can not digest the idea why one needs to dance like that for a biscuit ? This is absurd .What kind of creativity is this ! But dancing otherwise for legit reasons is still acceptable and not frowned upon.

Also we are working on a list of products where advertisers can accommodate a dance sequence. We are not so conservative after all.

Me : I see. So dancing should strictly be limited to the nature of product. BOSE music surround, yes but milk whitener, no .

PEMRA: Exactly.

Me: One last question, what are your views on banning skin whitening cremes or showing regressive content on dramas. Most dramas have similar plots based on infidelity of men and weak, traumatised women. There seems to be very little content on strong women who people can look up to.

PEMRA : * Uncomfortable cough* That’s also on the table. It’s on our agenda.

Me : I see PEMRA takes biscuits very seriously.


Finding Ellen

I am/was a big fan of the Ellen show. So was obviously quite taken aback when the allegations of toxic workplace environment started coming in. So far, Ellen has passed on the responsibility of the workplace toxicity onto the producers of her show and only taken responsibility and apologised for her ignorance of the happenings. But Is it enough?

Just imagine, you walk in to a room , and you feel a hushed silence. Wouldn’t you feel that ? Wouldn’t you feel people being terrified of you or walking on eggshells around you ? Of coarse you do! Silence speaks volumes. And I really do not believe that you can ignore this for years unknowingly.

A brand which is built on openness and kindness, these allegations come as a big blow. Its like all these years you were fed a lot of meaningless crap. Everything was a facade. And it hurts.

Who would had thought this would blow up now after all these years during a lock down. When she is not even going to the studio. Does it make you think how Karma works ? Does it make you think how quickly your world can come tumbling down in the least expected manner?

This pandemic has only made me realise how powerless we are in the grand scheme of things. Regardless what your faith it, it is our acts of kindness, humility and goodwill which sustain us and for people to remember us by. I am sure if Ellen had reacted to the hostilities in the work place environment and had been more approachable and gracious, this situation would had never come. Meanwhile as a fan, I hope Ellen replies to some of the allegation against her and clean the air.

Harry & Meghan Moving to Pakistan

Not too long ago, news emerged of Harry and Meghan moving to Pakistan . Now we finally have more details coming forward. The family will be residing in Karachi. They have shortlisted posh Creek Vista as one of the options because of proximity to good schools and general feel of the place. Harry likes golf and Golf Club is 2 mins away. They don’t want the headache of electricity or gas load shedding , so Creek Vista seems like the perfect fit .

Though Archie is late for preschool registration but Preschool Plus has been very accommodating and have also assured the parents that Archie has a very good chance to get into Karachi Grammer school.

Harry has expressed interest to be part of Naya Pakistan and a position for Tourism Minister could be a possibility. With Pakistan being branded as top country to visit , this seems like a compelling strategy . Whereas, Meghan will be looking after Shaukat Khanam Karachi chapter.

The couple plans to spend summers in London or Canada because Karachi summers are horrible to to say the least and Meghan has no patience to get into the designer lawn frenzy which envelopes the country every summer.

Pakistan is very happy to host the royals . All the aunties have been hushed not to recommend whitening totkas/remedies to Meghan.

PS: If you haven’t had your coffee/Tea yet , this post is purely Satire .

Megexit. Meghan and Harry stepping down from Royal duties. Brexit Learn!

So the latest boiling story is that Meghan and Harry are stepping down from their royal duties. So no surprise there , this news has taken everyone by storm . #Megexit , #MeghanMarkle and #PrinceHarry are already trending .

During this fiasco, two extreme viewpoints have been emerged. Pro Meghan and anti Meghan. It is interesting to see that you don’t see Harry part of this AT ALL. It is almost like Harry does not exist or this decision has entirely been Meghan’s. Its either Meghan caused the divide or WAY TO GO Meghan! Hello , what about Harry ? He is ACTUALLY the one who is giving it all up .

I am trying to be as unbiased as possible . But I feel the same decision could had been taken in a less controversial manner. They should had consulted with the Queen. This seems too reckless. And also I have always admired how progressive the Queen has been to welcome Meghan into her family despite all odds. Meghan is bi racial , Divorcee, coming from a dysfunctional family & American. Clearly out of Queen’s traditional comfort zone. The same woman who initially refused Camilla Parker for her son , accepted Meghan Markle. Maybe because Harry was 6th in line to throne but still, I was pleasantly surprised by her open mindedness.

The Brit media on the other hand has always been invasive and cruel. Like a chameleon that changes color when convenient. Princess Diana , Kate and Meghan have all fallen victims to it. Remember when Kate’s nude pictures were published on a freaking newspaper or her oops moments made national headlines ? So yes Meghan , you were bullied but you are not alone there. It is not you , it is them . They spare no one. And expecting anything else from them is incredibly naïve.

So this time around, we can say this royal couple had enough of the hateful media crap and calling it quits from their relentless harassment. Harry still has a luxury to make this decision and live life in his own terms, William however does not.

I wish Meghan and Harry all the best for their next adventure. Now that you have already taken the plunge, switch off your cells and hibernate for a month.

Some of the headline making waves;

So what do you think will happen now ? I am totally hooked.